Stars Crossed
by Leigh Lightworks
Summary: NM-Edward Cullen has made a choice. While he travels through the aftermath of his decision, his test of faith remains a formidable impasse between himself and his true destiny or a future laden with emptiness and eventual death. This is Edward's journey.
1. Chapter 1 Blasphemy

Chapter One - Blasphemy

I ran faster than I could ever recall running. Not for prey, not for fear or protection of another, not in desperation had I run this fast. But I was not feeling free and light. The air whistling past my skin, curling around me in my wake, would not liberate me from the tremendous, heavy burden. I wanted to turn around. My mind raced through conflicting thoughts, waging a battle that a significant part of me was willing to lose. Then, another feeling, so completely enveloping me that I was certain I would suffocate had I required air. Though I ran even faster, every part of me was physically heavier, weighed down, the rise and fall of each appendage becoming increasingly painful. It was as if the stone of my legs would cease movement all together. I ran without course or direction other than away. Far away. The branches and grasses sharply stinging my face and hands and in some places cutting to the bone, healing and tearing, healing and tearing again. Not punishment enough. Beams of sunlight escaping the canopy of the trees and penetrating down to the forest floor illuminated my path like daggers striking ineffectually as I thundered along.

"_Edward. Don't. Don't do this_." I could still hear_ her _voice, each word striking a blow to my resolve. But there could be no returning. I knew this. It was my careful consideration, weighing each possible outcome that had led me here. My will, however ill placed and flawed, would forge me through this defining moment until an insurmountable distance was laid between myself and that of the horrid events that lay behind. Not that I imagined even in the minutest segments of time that I would ever escape what I had done. No amount of geography could separate me from the blasphemy that I had committed. On the contrary, I would live for at least as long as would be defined by_ her _mortality, all the while with images of_ her _stricken eyes, pleading with my own. I thought at first I was not to be successful. But with a wickedness only a monster such as my kind could possess I rolled the lies off my tongue that would seal our fate. How easy it would have been to crumble before her, kneel and quickly take back every last syllable. But this would not satisfy my greater fear, the fear that delivered me to this forsaken reality. The fear only I knew to be true and founded, that in some way, perhaps not directly by my hand, but because of my very existence in_ her _world, _she_ would face_ her _death prematurely.

Farther and farther, my speed propelled me through the mountain range as if it were an inconsequential grouping of speed bumps. I could feel nothing and at the same time everything. Grief, overlapping grief. Hatred, boiling on top of hatred. Disgust, emptiness, misery, there was no end to it; there would be no end to it. The world, my life, my existence, unravelling in an explosive torrent of inconceivable pain. I will suffer. I must suffer. There will be no forgiveness, no excuse, I have met my fate.

I came crashing through the trees which suddenly opened brightly and I knew from the rich salt stinging my barren airway that I had reached the ocean. I halted with such force that my momentum dug my feet deeply into the mossy ground until a large ridge of mangled roots and underbrush lay before me. Small pieces of the forest were hurled over the edge of the cliffs just steps in front of me. I walked to the edge, blankly staring at the view. I noticed then that the voices, all of them, had stopped. Every sense I had was overpowered by the rumbling of enormous waves crashing mercilessly at the rocks below. It was impossibly loud and unrelenting, and it was then that I realized I was screaming. My cries pouring out all anger and frustration, all despair, all hatred, all that which I could no longer contain, spewed out of my core.

I fell to my knees allowing the numbness to overtake me. It would have been easy to welcome death at this moment, to erase the unbearable emptiness by erasing life itself. If I had possessed the power to will it, it would have happened. This, however, was not the arrangement with which I had agreed in deliberations with myself. I knew that beyond all suffering and certain pain, there lay a sound reason for this sacrilege. I would remain a loyal and dedicated protector for the rest of_ her _days. _She_ would not know of my existence, but it would be my sole purpose for remaining here, alive. This was the reasoning in which I had accepted the inevitable abandonment. _She_ would believe that I had moved on so that _she_ could do the same. And why wouldn't _she_? I could see no reason for_ her _to linger on memories of me any longer than it would take for any other human being to survive a broken heart. I did not deserve_ her _and _she_ would see this in short time. My transformation, which occurred almost the first day I met _her_, being more a permanent one, would have to be lived out, until I was freed only by_ her _natural passing. An assignment I was more than prepared to accept.

As if slapping me from my thoughts, the spray from the oceans torrent spattered across my face. I crawled along the cold cliff edge meeting a fissure in the rock face which allowed just enough space for my body to slip itself into, like a tomb. The cold, hard rock walls, indifferent to my skin, pressing against me, secured my position and afforded me the crutch I needed to support my lifeless limbs. I would stay here, I decided. I could not face my family and I had no immediate plans to methodically play out and use as an escape or distraction from the misery. Even if I had tried, no part of this aftermath could have been premeditated for nothing would have prepared me for the agony I was feeling now. My rational mind had anticipated this, yet there were no thoughts I could summon that could alleviate my living through the next hour. The only thing I knew for certain was that _she_ may be feeling this too and that we were somehow still connected in this most desolate and empty state.

This was a time when the ability to sleep may have granted me some small amount of pity, relieving me, all be it, temporarily from this hell. But even if this was possible, the dreams would have come, the same dreams, or rather, nightmares, I had witnessed_ her _suffer so many nights while sitting at_ her _bedside. I wondered if those dreams would cease now. With_ her _subconscious mind settled that the monster was no longer there, could _she_ rest peacefully? I found myself imagining_ her _life ahead, wondering where _she_ might go, whom with, and for what reasons would _she_ make_ her _decisions. I imagined_ her _father delighted with the turn of events and over time, my name being all but forgotten. It wasn't difficult to conjure the image of_ her _soft features and smiling face gazing into the eyes of another, a human, who could deliver all the love and so much more that _she_ deserved. Everything which I could not.

While I remained tucked into the crevice the blazing sun slowly dropped into the ocean to allow a black emptiness to blanket the earth. My ears having grown accustomed to the thrashing sound of waves, noticed that the water had calmed and was replaced by an eerie stillness. Immediately in front of me a small spider worked busily repairing the damage to its webbed lair most likely caused by my intrusion upon it. It worked swiftly and methodically never wasting a step, every movement designed to achieve its goal until, satisfied, it retreated where I could no longer see its form. I envied both the spider for its oblivious nature and the potential victim for its mortality. I had studied it for what seemed to be only moments, which turned out to have been hours, as a hint of purple hue began to caress the sky.

By the full morning light it was gently raining and the ocean remained calm. There was no sound, no voices entering my head. Feeling no urgency to change my position, I continued on a more indulgent train of thought. _She_ was laughing in my memory this time. The chocolate curls of_ her _hair cascading around_ her _face. _She_ was surrounded by friends, all of whom seemed much happier, looking at_ her _as though _she_ had a secret power which was holding their gaze. _She _never saw this in herself, not while _she_ was with me. I knew in my absence _she_ would finally see the things that I could see all along. How so many people around_ her _wanted to possess_ her _confidence,_ her _maturity and_ her _independence. Of course I had the advantage of hearing their thoughts, but even without that ability, one could easily pick up on the signs. Then there were those that wanted much more of _her_, which in another time the very thought would have forced venom to my mouth. I had to accept the fact that the Mike Newton's of the world might now very well stand a chance and of this I had no control.

My thoughts trailed in and out of this realm for a good portion of the day until the darkness once again fell upon the space around me. I still had not moved from the rock and I was becoming more and more distant from any motivation that might suggest I do so. It was pleasant staying here like this. Regular movement after all was something we, as vampires had acquired only to avoid being viewed as odd or suspicious while living in the midst of people. It was well known amongst ourselves, we could remain still for an undetermined period of time whilst contemplating or drafting our next ambition. I knew too long would risk insanity, but as yet I could not find purpose in a change of scenery which would only be void of _her_. _What if I was to remain here and just cease to exist?_ _I could simply stop functioning and allow the rot to take me. Perhaps I would fuse into the rock never to move again unless the core of the planet unearthed me in some catastrophic event, in which I would disintegrate and in pieces, fall to the ocean floor. _

Carrying on with these thoughts I was abruptly shaken from my reverie when I heard what couldn't be. It was pitch black, although to my eyes this was irrelevant, and I knew what I thought I was hearing must be a mistake, an illusion born from my pathetic condition. _She_ could never have come this far, nor could _she_ have known how to find me, especially in this darkness. But then I heard it again. "Edward. Edward." _Was I hearing it, or was someone thinking it?_ I cringed and shrunk deeper into my hole. My face grimaced as I relived_ her _cries. Suddenly there was a hand on my shoulder. I leapt from the haven of the rock and reeled around grasping hold of an outstretched arm.

"Edward it's me!" Alice shrieked.

" Oh...I..." I could not formulate words.

"We have been looking for you! What has gotten into you! Look at yourself, I have never seen anything like it."

I glanced down at myself. My clothes were ragged, shredded in places with various degrees of filth staining numerous areas. I was dazed. I did not look up.

"Edward...what is happening?" Alice asked the question in a tone in which a psychologist might approach. I must have stood stone still for an exceptionally long period of time, as Alice stepped forward and peered up into my face.

"I'm Ok Alice," I lied, "I just wanted to be alone," I finished blankly.

"Edward, there are many ways one can achieve solitude, and covering yourself in dirt, while clinging to the face of a cliff doesn't top the list. Can I take you home now?"

I thought about it for a moment. My home. Could there ever be a place besides, with_ her, _which I could call home?

"Edward?" Alice looked up at me with obvious concern.

"I will go with you Alice, but I am not speaking of anything."

Alice linkedher arm under my own and led me away from the cliff. We walked carefully, almost as slow as a human pace and Alice did not say another word. I heard her thoughts. It was impossible not to. She was literally screaming that she'd found me, 'T_hank God I found him, thank God he's Ok'_. I knew that God had nothing to do with it. It was her keen senses as a vampire that led her to me, nothing more than that. And I wasn't exactly careful not to leave a trail. The forest remained massacred in my wake and my scent was everywhere and on everything I had hurtled myself against. But I was surprised none the less that she had actually come upon me, until I realized how far I had travelled. It appeared that, in one afternoon I was standing on the edge of the forest outside _her_ home in Forks and then I was nearly in the State of Alaska before the sun fell, not too far from one of our residences. I had lost count of the days since. It was all very much a blur. A horrific, astoundingly painful, blur.

Without announcing her intentions, after some time had passed, Alice picked up the pace and journeyed swiftly along, all the while keeping a firm hold on my arm.


	2. Chapter 2 Reunion

Chapter Two - Reunion

I had already decided this was going to be a brief reunion, even after I saw their faces.

It was day break when we crossed onto our acreage situated just east of Juneau, Alaska. Shortly thereafter, we came through a clearing onto the main property at the rear of our house. My family was collected on the terrace, their expressions a sombre and elated mix. Carlisle and Esme stood together in the forefront, while Rosalie and Emmett were set back and off to the side. Jasper was walking towards us looking at me with wild eyes and thinking a flurry of thoughts mostly surrounding intense concern, but relief as well. Surely for Alice. I swallowed hard knowing a flood of questions were about to bombard me and I almost stopped walking to brace myself.

Carlisle was first. "My son, you had us worried you would not be returning. I'm certain I don't need to tell you the relief we are all feeling right now. Please come in and get yourself cleaned up. Once you are settled we will talk." Carlisle's statement effectively put all other inquiries to rest for the time being. Alice had released me to join Jasper and Esme stepped forward for an embrace. When she pulled back she looked into my eyes for a long moment '_I know you can hear me Edward and right now all I want you to know is that I love you_.' I forced a smile.

They all moved into the house in succession. I followed, stepping through the open French doors from the terrace into the Great room. I had not been to this house since the time I was masquerading as Esme's brother and Rosalie was newly born. Even though it was familiar, it held no particular warmth. The house itself was far understated as compared to our open and airy dwelling in Forks. In fact there was little room for all of us here, as the number of rooms satisfied a time when Alice and Jasper had not entered into this coven. This suited me just fine as I reminded myself that my stay here was to be temporary at best.

Esme motioned towards the den along the main hallway and I followed her to find a comfortable bed had been arranged for me there. She was obviously aware of the lack of necessity for a bed, but Esme exercised perfection at human conformity and probably thought of it as a comforting gesture. Of course my original room had been claimed by a couple prior to my arrival. My single status left me as the odd man out, and I winced for a moment while I contemplated the reason.

Esme broke the silence. "We collected some of your things when we departed from Forks. You should find most of what you need in those drawers or closet." She waved her hand in the direction of the furniture.

"Thank you," I managed. She gently placed a hand on my arm squeezing lightly and then left me alone.

I loosened what remained of my shredded clothing and sat on the bed to remove my socks and shoes. I'm not certain for how long I sat, naked and staring at the cracks in the oak flooring, but eventually snapped into focus and stood to robe and head for the shower.

As the cold water trickled down my face and over my skin my thoughts sharpened. I knew enough was enough. No more self pity. I had to pull myself together and move onto the next task. Failing this I would most certainly find reason to return to Forks, giving in to the colossal draw still wrenching my hollow body in _her_ direction.

My immediate concern was to locate Laurent. When he made our acquaintance earlier in the year, he was intrigued by our methods of living. After Laurent's coven disbanded, rather abruptly since the leader James was eliminated, we had heard that Laurent was in Denali with Tania and her family. Of course, it wasn't ultimately Laurent I was after; he was only a channel by which to acquire information on the whereabouts of Victoria. She shamelessly fled when James was extinguished, but I knew that I would have to deal with that loose end one way or another. My train of thought trailed off to the memories of last spring, another event that nearly took _her_ life only because _she_ happened to be with me. _Better off, much better off_. I shook my head to jostle it back into focus.

I turned off the water and stepped out to towel dry. I could hear each of them down the hall.

"He seems too calm." Jasper.

"What do you think happened?" Esme.

"What if he has made a mistake?" Alice.

"I've never seen him look so terrible." Rosalie.

"This is bad, this is really bad!" Emmet.

I pondered exactly how I was going to manage a second good-bye in less than three days, but realized I was completely numb from the first, and would probably remain that way for the rest of my existence, so it seemed nothing could be worse. Still, I regretted having to disappoint Carlisle and Esme. And well, Alice, as much as she was most often annoying, she was a fairly decent sister. Emmett and Rosalie on the other hand, were just fine without me and Jasper, even more so, not having to counter balance my misery all the time.

Draping the robe around me, I reached for the bathroom door, but just then caught a flicker of movement in my peripheral. I turned to acknowledge my reflection in the mirror, the unsympathetic stare of a monster peering back at me. I rarely used a mirror, there was nothing after all, about my frozen features that could change besides the direction and flow of my hair. Moreover, it was hard to _see_ myself. The menacing, dead face in front of me held no resemblance to the voraciously human, young man I once was. The young man who's dreams and ambitions I had long since forgotten, who's life should have ended in a hospital bed, but was reborn into this, shell, of a person. _What could she have seen in these empty eyes?_ If the rumour were true, that the eyes are the window to the soul, then my black and yellow stained ovals should have forewarned _her_ of my unworthiness. I turned my head away in disgust.

I returned to the den and looked about for some clothes. I pulled a grey, long sleeve v-neck out of the dresser and tossed it towards the bed. Rifling through the other drawers I found my undergarments and moved to the closet to locate some black pants. Moving back towards the bed, I peered down at the floor at what was left of my clothing. I wondered. I picked up the mangled pile of fabric and brought it to my nose. It was ridiculous really. Even with my extraordinary sense of smell, there could be no scent of _her_ left there, but a part of me did not want to let go of the clothes. Reluctantly, I deposited them in the waste bin and forced myself once again to shake off the thoughts.

I was finishing dressing when there was thud on the door. "Hey! I'm going for a hunt. Wanna join me?" Emmett was acting as if business as usual, something he was always good at and I shouldn't have expected anything less. I realized then that I hadn't fed in almost twelve days, which was not exactly a crisis, however any longer and the urgency could cause me to lose my already fragile focus. Running my fingers through my hair I crossed the room and opened the door. Emmett's arm was raised with hand poised as if preparing for another knock.

"Oh, hey bro. So? How 'bout it?"

"Sure Emmett." I hesitated. "I'll accompany you, but just to get the deed done. No horsing around, OK?"

"Yah, sure, whatever." Emmett's response carried a tone of slight disappointment. He was used to our routine of brotherly competition, but I had nothing of that good-humoured nature left to offer.

We informed the others of our intentions and only Alice openly displayed her disappointment. She was hoping I would speak with them first to alleviate some of the anxiety. But everyone else's thoughts seemed calm, they were satisfied it seemed, for now, with the improvement on my appearance.

We moved inland towards the mountains and northern tip of British Columbia, Canada. The abundance of food in this area would make the outing brief, I knew this much. I felt so completely sluggish, however, that I could not imagine conjuring up the will to consume anything. I lingered in proximity to Emmett hoping that if he were to catch his kill first, then perhaps the aura of him and the sweet scent of the blood would have its effect on my own senses. But within only moments of officially starting the hunt, he was successful in bringing down a large brown bear and I felt nothing. I watched from a distance, witnessing the act neither repulsed nor intrigued. This was going to be a problem. If I didn't feed, it would surely become an obstacle leading to my failing the only charge left to me, that of _her_ protection. This idea brought clarity and I knew at the very least I had to maintain a minimum level of sustenance.

I turned in the opposite direction making a concerted effort to smell the air and become one with the surrounding forest. I hadn't travelled shy of four miles when I was abruptly halted by the gleaming silvery grey eyes of a wolf staring precisely in my direction. It would normally be our tactic to startle our prey unaware, but something about the way the wolf faced me, almost as if challenging me, encouraged my instincts to take over, and the anger I was harbouring took on a new form of aggression for the kill. Moving forward, the gap closed between our forms. The wolf, now bearing teeth, hunched down and spread its paws further in a hostile stance. With the animal distinctly aware of my presence I calculated the only method of attack would be from above where for a split second the wolf might lose sight of me. I paced back and forth, lulling the creature into a steady rhythmic half circle dance, waiting for the exact moment to strike. Our eyes never looked away from the others'. Suddenly, as the wolf shifted to face me in my returning pace, it faltered. With its footing temporarily lost, I leapt forward and high in the air so to land on top of the disoriented prey. In a split second, I crashed down gripping tightly onto its thickly furred torso and buried my face into its throat, drawing the creature's earthy blood, and swiftly taking its life.

We returned shortly before dusk. My family members were casually assembled in the Great room. It was time to face the onslaught of questions and concerns that were surely just below the surface of their calmed exterior. I could avoid this no longer, so I began to speak.

"I know that all of you have questions and I hope that you can allow me to provide some explanation before you commence with inquiries. First I want to thank you for complying with my requests to leave Forks. You were all aware of the thoughts burdening me prior to the sudden move; however, it could not have been easy to side with me, even if I am your son or brother." I took an unnecessary breath. "My decision to leave became very simple after sorting through various scenarios and always coming to the same conclusion." Unintentionally I glanced in the direction of Jasper. "I was not going to have any of you personally responsible for _her_ well being when I could not even guarantee it myself. Our only course was to sever ties with our lives in Forks completely and permanently and never look back."

Their thoughts were silent as they listened. Jasper was brimming with remorse, which he harboured still from the events of Bella's eighteenth birthday. Some of it was surely a healthy dose of my own that he was futilely attempting to absorb, only the flood of remorse from my body was an endless flow which no amount of his emotional powers could possibly alleviate. Rosalie stood by the far wall of the room looking at the floor and sneaking glances in the reflective glass of a nearby table, but everyone else's eyes were on me.

"I told _her_ we were moving on because it was time for Carlisle to make a change. At first _she_ began speaking of preparations for _her_ to come along, but I made it clear the journey was to be for my family and myself." Saying the words forced me to relive the agony. To proceed, I was going to have to briefly summarize the horrid events as best I could so as not to risk a complete collapse of my sanity.

I looked directly at Alice and continued. "I understand that some of you may have parted with a friendship deeper than that which you have been rewarded amongst our own kind, and for that I am truly sorry - "

"Oh Edward for God's sake, just say Bella's name!" Alice blurted out.

I looked at Alice intently. My teeth involuntarily clenched and I could feel the skin over my knuckles stretching beyond their natural state. It wasn't because of anger directed at Alice. It was the name, _her_ name, and the fact that I hadn't been able to bring myself to say it because I thought it would surely kill me.

"B-e-l-l-a," the annunciation of each consonant and vowel tore the insides of my throat as _her_ name fell from my mouth, "was not going to believe me so I had to try to convince her that it was over."

Rosalie broke from her stare at the floor and spoke carefully. "It may not be my place to say Edward, but didn't you love Bella?" _Ok, not what I expected._ The question came out so earnestly, and how ironic, Rosalie being the least likely member of my family to bring that observation to the forefront of what was beginning to feel like an inquest.

I tried my best to respond. "My love for _he_- B-e-l-la, is neither the fact nor the sentiment in question here. I do love _her_ and will do so for the remainder of my existence, but as you already know, I was not prepared to take _her_ soul and could not accept being the one, by association, responsible for anyone who did."

"But what if... what if _she_ does?" Alice's question was almost inaudible even for vampire hearing.

I knew what she was inferring and the thought was agonizing. I squeezed my brow, shaking my head in disagreement. "Bella promised," I advised. "She will not be harming herself, so there is no need to be concerned. Don't be looking for _her_ future either, we've done enough damage. Swear to me you'll let this go." I punctuated my request, aimed at Alice, with a fierce stare.

She did not respond. No one spoke and their thoughts were mixed and overlapping, so that I could not make sense of them. Or maybe I didn't want to.

"There is something else I need to say," I broke the silence.

"Continue," Carlisle said, motioning with his hand.

There was no other way other than to just say it. "I won't be staying."

Esme gasped.

"But I still see things Edward, distant things that confuse me. I still see Bella becoming one of us!" Alice was perched on the arm of a couch appearing as though she would leap at me.

"Stop it!" I yelled abruptly. "I need to go. There are things I must do, for B-e-lla, for however long it takes. I'm telling you right now, I'm only staying alive as long as _she_ is and not much beyond that. There's no point in arguing with me." I realized then that I had revealed intentions of bringing my own immortality to an end. Not a fact I wanted or felt the need to share. Now it would be virtually impossible to stop the massive wave of pleas pouring out into the room. I let my shoulders drop and looked up at the ceiling, waiting for it.

But aside from their incredulous expressions, no one spoke except Carlisle who had stayed characteristically calm and quiet throughout the conversation. He stepped forward and grasped my arms just below my shoulders. "Edward, my son. You know that we do not require your gratitude for our decision to leave Forks. We would do this and much more for you given the same opportunity again. With respect to your anguish, I speak for all of us when I say the helplessness is unbearable. Your will is strong and your soul is good. I for one cannot tell you to stay, no more than I can will it. If there is something you must do, then we will support you. But before you condemn yourself to a life of loneliness, whatever may be left of it, know that we are here and that you have choice always."

I nodded my head in acceptance of his words. Carlisle was to me greater than any being, not human, not vampire. I aspired to be like him, but continued telling myself this was an unlikely eventuality.

"When will you leave then?" Esme's features were strained as she forced out the words.

"I'm not certain," I lied. _I would be out of here before the sun fell if I could_. "I have something else I do need your help with before I go. I need to see Tanya."


	3. Chapter 3 Denali

Chapter Three - To Denali

It took several more hours, well into dawn, to work through the obvious rejections of my announcing the pursuit of Victoria.

Explaining my reasoning for seeking a visit with Tanya, Kate, Irina and eventually Laurent, led to the unavoidable reveal of my intentions to track Victoria. Of course all were opposed. Jasper and Emmett were most vehement in this regard. Initially, I had difficulty disputing their reactions because I knew little more of Victoria other than what I was able to absorb in the disrupted baseball game last spring. Laurent had only alluded to her capabilities when he warned us not 'to underestimate her'. I had to consider that Victoria could be superior in physical strength and speed, or moreover possess unknown powers of similar calibre to my own extra sensory perception. I couldn't predict the result of a meeting alone with Victoria, and Alice could not even see the event let alone its outcome. Jasper's life experience prior to Alice discovering him, was extensive in tactical fighting from his time spent in the southern army and, rightfully so, he expected to be included in any sort of vampire "take down". Emmett being the muscle would not be left out of a good rumble, and Esme, Alice and Rosalie would not stay behind if their partners were involved regardless of their own reservations. Nonetheless I would not allow for any one of them to risk their lives in this endeavour, but for their benefit, I reassured I would find out as much as possible regarding Victoria before I made any moves by myself. After considerable debate, it was my sheer determination that eventually had them yield to my desire to go alone.

Once agreed, Carlisle made a phone call to Tanya and arrangements were made for my stay in Denali. As decided, there would be no one accompanying me on this visit especially since I had no plans to return. Alice most certainly could not join me for her knowledge of my plans as they developed, along with her visions, may have only led to her continuing with attempts to stop me or at least get in the way. Unfortunately I couldn't trust Alice. Her loyalty to Bella was so strong that it would undermine everything I was trying so desperately, even at times against my own will, to accomplish. I would leave at twilight, borrowing Carlisle's Hummer, which he agreed he would collect later should it not be returned. My car was still tucked away in our garage in Forks, not likely to be driven for some time, possibly never.

I retired to my room and began packing my clothes and personal items for the trip using a small duffle bag provided from Jasper. I wouldn't be packing very much. My needs were limited to the category of 'extremely basic'. The most important articles, passports, cell phone and cash, went in first. I pulled open the drawer of the dresser and grabbed three of the shirts on the top of the pile and turned towards the closet for corresponding pants.

Then, suddenly there it was, or at least an unmistakable likeness of it. Impossible. Freesia and lavender - I could smell _her_. I reeled around in my position fully expecting _her_ to be standing somewhere in the room. My eyes darted around the space finding nothing. _Was this my sanity stripping away? Was I destined to fall victim to the grief before I could accomplish my mission?_ I took a step forward with my chin in the air, raising and flaring my nostrils to fully capture and inhale the scent. I followed its stream across the room until I was standing only inches from the dresser. I looked down into the open drawer. Neatly folded on top of the balance of shirts, exposed from my disturbing the pile earlier, lay Bella's hooded pullover.

I felt instantly weak. I tipped forward grasping the edges of the furniture for support, crushing the polished wood under my palms. My mind raced for an explanation. Esme had said she brought a few of my things. _Of course_! _She collected my clothes with Bella's among them; one of the few if any items that inadvertently was left with me at the house or in my car in Forks_. The scent would have been masked then. Esme would not have distinguished it from the other of _her_ scents so prevalent around the house. But now, here, with its isolation from those stronger scents, it was easy to capture _her_ sweet aroma dancing lightly along the gentle airflows of the room. _Dammit!_ I was so very careful, so meticulous and purposeful, not to bring any token of _her_ with me, although the temptation existed, this would have been a mistake, I was certain. And I knew that without any physical souvenirs, I would always have my memory, which would be precious and excruciating at the same time.

I reached down and gripped the fabric as if I was placing my hands on her arms. I closed my eyes. I squeezed _her_ softly and pulled _her_ into my chest. I inhaled deeply as the scent curled around and licked at my senses. When I stopped resisting the flood of emotion, I could almost feel her chest rising and falling and the strumming of a heart beat. My nose buried itself into the top of _her_ head where _her _beautiful silken hair caressed my skin. My Bella. My Bella.

_I am a monster_.

My eyes snapped open when I felt a pair of arms wrapping around me, knowing full well that my delusion could not include such an indulgence. Alice had invited herself through the open door of the den and was squeezing my chest, my arms becoming trapped inside her circle, with her head rested on my shoulder.

"You miss her so much Edward. I can see it! Jasper can feel it! You are suffering. How will you survive?"

"What will you have me do Alice?" I said flatly, not attempting to move. I was secretly wishing she held the answer that could erase the catastrophe of my life, knowing full well this was not in her power.

"I can see them Edward, your futures. They keep flashing back and forth. You want to go to Bella_._ You want to be with _her_, you feel as though a part of you is lost, but you will yourself to do nothing. One future is beautiful, and the other is-," Alice dropped her arms from her embrace, "bleak." Then, she grabbed me, slightly shaking my shoulders. "All this time you have believed you had no soul, but you cannot deny your sense of having only lost it now. Jasper has told me. You can't hide it Edward."

"Alice you must stop shaking me and listen." My left hand released its hold on Bella's clothing and I took hold of Alice's hand. "All of this you say is true. I am not denying it. But there is a greater feeling residing in me, one that is so strong I cannot deny it either. My fear. It has tortured and twisted me so that I can no longer trust that which is telling me to run back to Forks and steel _her_ away. If I am to endure this despair in order save _her_ life then I will, gladly. I _will_ live with my decision, and I _will_ go to Denali and that is all I can say."

"And what am I to do Edward? Do you know how much this is hurting me too?" She didn't wait for an answer. "Of course you do. I'm trying so hard not to be angry with you Edward, but you know I do not share your opinions on just about everything where Bella is concerned and I am afraid that all of this will have been for nothing." Her face went blank as she concentrated momentarily on a vision before continuing, "I fear something Edward. Something is not right."

I could have allowed myself to be drawn in by Alice's mysterious foreshadowing of events, but as was often the case with Alice, in periods of stress, her visions were marred by her own insecurities. And as for her reference to my soul, I was not about to indulge in that pattern of thinking. It was true that leaving Bella tore... something... out of my chest that until that moment I had not realized I possessed. In the mere days since, the emptiness was becoming infinitely worse, but I refused to accept it as the loss of my soul. I had not had one to lose. I wanted to think of it more that Bella had gained a life when I left and what happened to me was not relevant. I would stay true to my course.

Alice looked at me impatiently. I could think of little else to say besides, "Please go on about your life Alice and be well with Jasper."

Defeated, Alice let out a huff, but then tip toed, kissing me on my cheek and floated out of the room. I took a momentary look at Bella's clothing, still tightly clenched in my right hand, and carefully tucked it into my duffle bag.

Carlisle's Hummer purred to life in the drive and I slowly accelerated until I could no longer see my family in the rear-view mirror. I had embraced each of them and we exchanged kind words, which was more than I afforded when they departed from Forks. I felt satisfied that if it was to be their last memory of me, that it would be at the very least, a pleasant one. I loosely promised to check in every few months with a telephone call, but couldn't be sure that it would actually happen.

The eighteen hour drive to Denali was going to be a long arduous task. I could run the distance in a quarter of the time, but then in my current state of mind, most likely end up with a personal appearance quite similar to my arrival in Juneau. It also seemed logical to have a vehicle for my plans to track Victoria as my appearance, floating in and out of towns and cities on foot would progressively deteriorate. So, I opted for the driving route and decided the journey would allow me the opportunity to clear my thoughts. Of course I would not be maintaining the speed limits.

The roads were mostly empty with the occasional duplicate bright beams of light heading in my direction. From a distance I could imagine they were the eyes of prey staring me down in their last living moments. But then as the eyes came closer in the darkness and slowly transformed into the headlights of an approaching vehicle, my thoughts turned to curiosity for the human inside, which was usually occupied by some poor sole with solemn thoughts much the same as my own. '_What kind of life is this? How did I get this ticket?_ _Why would God create such a barren cold place, just to put me in it?' _From my brief glimpse as they passed by it seemed there was little in the way of happiness in these minds I had invaded, but to have something in common with the humans actually forced me to chuckle.

Where there were no cars on the road to indulge in distraction, I thought about the one mind I was never able to read. In my eighty plus years as a vampire I could read every thought I desired and heard scores of those I did not. It took many years for me to practise and hone my ability, so as to turn it on and off at will. Carlisle and I spoke often of the dangers associated with acquiring too much information and the very likely risk of exposing ourselves should the use of my skill lead to an undesirable event. I could, for example, have easily abused my power and lured an unwitting human into a scenario that would have surely secured their death, their vulnerability tempting me from my vegetarian lifestyle.

All vampires possessed the ability to literally anaesthetize their prey into a dreamy defenceless state; however, my skill went deeper. Humans trusted me because I could befriend so easily. I simply listened to their fears and thoughts of mistrust and said the words necessary to counteract them. At times it was an incredibly useful tool, putting me at the advantage of numerous situations, too many to count really, and the unwanted thoughts slipped into the background.

It was not too long before I realized I shared much of the same thoughts and developed a respect and admiration for human life. It seemed that our commonality lay in our shared suffering and perpetual yearning for truth, sometimes regarding matters inward and other times regarding issues external such as religion and the existence of God; my favourite topic. I began listening more intently when surrounded by the aged or more scholarly humans whose thoughts could challenge my own. The more I exercised the skill the more I developed a tremendous sense of control and personal strength.

But when life brought me to Bella, and I could not read her thoughts, I recognized for first time how profoundly weak I truly was. Not because of the incredible attraction to her blood. This was only a test of my instincts not my intellect. It was that I had spent so long in this life searching for answers by the easiest method known to me that I no longer possessed any skill by which to communicate on a more equal level. Human to human as it were. Having no ability to say all the right words as I had practised in the past to set at ease the fears of the person to whom I was speaking, I was astounded at Bella's ability to see into my core and harbour no fear of me. _She_ was truly unique and I have honoured this once in lifetime gift by abandoning _her_.

I was utterly entrenched in my thoughts when it happened. Suddenly appearing through the beam of my headlights in the road ahead a large adult male moose was frozen in its stance. My swift reactive instincts would have more than easily stopped me in time to avoid a collision, but the Hummer in which I was encased had no such quality even with the brakes employed. I swerved with a sharp right turn of the steering wheel, still clipping the hind of the animal and at the same time propelling the Hummer off onto the soft shoulder, where I steered violently back toward the direction of the road. The imbalance and forward momentum hurled the vehicle into the air, flipping it at least three times and careening into a tree, before coming to a rest upright in the brush along the road side. _Perfect. Thank God for my seatbelt,_ I mused sarcastically.

Exiting the vehicle took some encouragement, so that a detached driver's side door would be added to the list of non-repairable damages to the Hummer. It was completely totalled. The passenger side was crushed in a way that if it had been occupied, except by one of my family members, the likelihood of that individual walking away from this accident was slim to none. I clenched my teeth and stiffened. For a moment I thought of the only passenger that could have accompanied me that would have suffered such a fate.

Abandoning the painful thought, I looked back along the roadway from where I had more or less flown and remembered the moose. I walked back roughly 300 feet to the lame animal and could easily sense its panic and desperation. It lay on the ground with its rear legs clearly destroyed, but with no evidence of blood, more like a mangle of bone and muscle just beneath its skin. The strikingly large animals' heart was racing and its eyes flittered about seeking an escape. I didn't feel how I should have felt if I was monster. I knelt down at the face of the animal and placed my hand on its long snout. I completed slow gentle strokes along the distance from its nostrils to the eyes while quietly chanting "Shhh." The creature responded with slower breaths and less movement. I knew the animal would die and I knew it would be my task to remove it from the road. While I felt no particular need, I also knew that I would not waste this animals' blood, but I was confused by my instinctual feeling not to do it harm, the same feeling I had struggled with when I was hunting with Emmett. I was losing the desire to kill - kill anything - even if it was for my own preservation.

Reluctantly I leaned forward, strategically placing my hands upon the animals skull, and with a quick movement, twisted it abruptly, forcing an audible crack to break through the crisp silence of the surrounding darkness. I lowered my face to the creature and my teeth sank down on the fur and skin revealing the jugular vein. Then, I slowly drew the warm blood from its lifeless body.

Once I dealt with the remains, I decided it would be prudent to erase any evidence of the accident in the slight chance a member of law enforcement happened upon the scene. After collecting my duffle bag and the GPS, I tossed the vehicle further into the woods and covered it with broken branches and debris. I removed the vehicle plates so that Carlisle would not receive an unexpected phone call or visit in the unlikely event the destroyed Hummer was located. I would contact Carlisle when I reached Tanya's home and wire funds to make payment for the replacement.

I collected my things and started walking through the brush parallel to the roadway. Now on foot, my intent was to leave the road and make my own way along a direct route to Tanya's. I turned on the GPS and played around with the settings until I could identify my location. I snorted when I could see that road travel was indeed not practical at all. By cutting directly west I would reduce what would have been a remaining driving time of four hours, to a mere fifteen minutes. I hated being reliant on this equipment only serving to dull my senses. Soon I would not require the GPS because I would easily pick up on the covens' scent lingering in their hunting grounds.

It was not long before I came across precisely what I had anticipated. There were three distinct vampire trails dissecting the ridge I had just cleared. The scents were overlapping and I could not make out one particular scent of either Tanya or her sisters. As the time since seeing our extended family last January was spent mostly suppressing my senses due to the enticingly sweet blood of a particular human I almost murdered, I was not as attuned to them as I should have been. I decided to trek along the path with the freshest scent. Within seconds of that decision I realized I was not alone in the forest. I slowed my run to a walk and listened intently. I heard the slight echo of laughter dancing around the woods, at one moment to my right, the next to my left and behind, and then to the front of me. I was not in the mood for these games, and was about to call out to Tanya when something occurred to me. _What if it wasn't Tanya or any member of her coven? What if by some chance, Victoria was also mingling in these woods? Perhaps she joined Laurent here and has been biding her time until returning to Forks to strike._ Rather than lingering like prey unaware of its plight, I burst into a run off the path and aimed in the direction I had last heard the voice.

I knew I was getting closer because I could feel the wake of something in flight directly in front of me. I pressed on harder. Whoever it was, it was definitely female, her sultry scent in distinct contrast with the cool, crisp night air. I struggled to get a fix on her mind, but the only thoughts streaming from her brain were in regard to her strategy for the chase. She laughed tauntingly, but I could feel I was gaining on her. _So much for my promise to observe Victoria before taking action on my own_. I had no choice now. It was kill or be killed; the anger and resentment now fuelling my desires for revenge. I felt assured and powerful. _This was going to be easier than I had thought. To have Victoria out of the way would secure Bella's future for certain._

The vampire fled on a sporadic, reckless course, and I was soon aware of her weakness. In a burst of new energy founded by the thrill of the pending kill, I leapt over and in front of my victim, so that she would have no time in her frenzy to avoid charging at me directly. And as she crashed into me, I redirected the force of her body so that I could throw her beyond my own and down to the forest floor. Instantly I pinned her writhing figure face down and I poised for the kill. She was laughing hysterically which threw me from my undertaking, as I expected nothing other than violent hissing.

I grasped a large bundle of her golden curls in my hand and forcibly tilted her face upward.

"That was entirely not fair Edward. You're far too fast for me. But I do thank you. It's been a while since I've had a good jaunt like that," Tanya smiled up at me.

I leapt to my feet instantly. "Tanya! Have you any idea how close I came to ending your life," I was mortified.

"Oh be calm Edward," she stood up, brushing herself off, "I would never have let it go that far. I was simply partaking in some good fun and it _was_ fun wasn't it?"

I was so frustrated, I was on the brink of killing her anyway. "Hardly the kind of fun I would recommend," I said disapprovingly.

"Well, let's not stand here and argue about it, we'll head to the house then, shall we?" She outstretched her hand.

Not accepting her hand I nodded and stepped alongside her, motioning with my arm for her to proceed.

We ran the remainder of the way in silence.


	4. Chapter 4 Tanya

Chapter Four - Tanya

I couldn't believe how near I had come to disaster. Killing Tanya would have been a completely unforgivable, grave error and I knew that I had some work to do on my self control not to mention my massive ego. I was completely blinded by my own arrogance. Had I approached the situation in the woods strategically, I would have listened far more closely to her thoughts and identified my opponent well before there was any possibility of danger. My overconfidence would be my downfall if I were to repeat that sort of hot-headed behaviour. I would need to learn well from this mistake and prepare diligently for my inevitable confrontation with Victoria.

We arrived at the house after the sun had already burned through the thin layer of clouds in the ceiling above us. The bright sky and the equally bright snow blanketing the grounds set free a thousand prisms of light bouncing off our reflective skin. As we so rarely permitted ourselves to this kind of exposure it still distracted me in a way much like a child might be with a new toy. It was odd, but at the same time pleasing to allow it. I was instantly reminded of the sanctuary this area had been during my first introduction to Bella, when I fled Forks in fear of taking not only Bella's, but several other innocent lives in the process. While I never actually stayed in the house, something about its placement here in the midst of the trees and ice cold, rocky terrain held a bitter-sweet form of familiarity. Anywhere that would allow me to exist without forethought or worry of being exposed was worthy of at least some small admiration.

As if able to read _my_ thoughts Tanya turned and announced "Welcome home."

"Thank you, Tanya. I do appreciate you allowing my intrusion."

"Hardly an intrusion, Edward, you know that you are always welcome here. Call it a weakness of mine." She smiled wide and looked directly into my eyes.

I looked down and chuckled, slightly embarrassed. It was not difficult to feel this way in Tanya's presence. I didn't deserve her adoration, but she continued to deliver it unabashedly. I knew that my time with Tanya would involve her not so subtle, bordering on relentless pursuit, mixed with just the right amount of my gentlemanly rejection.

She opened the front door and we stepped into the main foyer. The family lived well. The hall was lavishly decorated with tapestries, various antique accessories and appropriately placed furniture pieces. All finishes appeared to be of utmost in detail and workmanship. Their surroundings had more of a traditional design quality which honoured their deep Russian roots, and if this room was any indication of scale in the remainder of the home, there was no shortage of space.

"I know Kate and Irina are so excited to see you. They decided to head north for a hunt, but will return this evening. We thought it might be best to let you settle in first, given the circumstances." Tanya glanced in my direction before looking away. "We have a guest room upstairs for your privacy, but feel free to make yourself comfortable anywhere in our home. I'm going to change out of these clothes." She pulled her blouse outward from her body, surveying the damage. She looked up again, _Would_ l_ove it if you would join me, _her expression revealing her delight at my ability to read thoughts.

I opened my mouth, but it was impossible for me to say anything or else it be construed as a response to what she was thinking rather than her spoken word.

She smiled again._ So sorry, I just can't help myself. _ Then out loud, "Will you come down to the conservatory and speak with us later?"

"Yes, indeed I have some items I would like to discuss with you. I do not wish to offend you Tanya, but I cannot pretend this is a social visit." I decided maintaining a firm tone and pure honesty would be my best course.

"No offence taken, we are all genuinely intrigued as to how we may be of any help to you." _Or mend your wounded heart_. "It's right this way," she floated up the circular stairwell gesturing for me to follow.

We moved silently along an elaborate corridor to the second doorway. The room was magnificent. Walls adorned floor to ceiling with intricate mahogany wood mouldings, velvet draperies flanking two very large windows looking out onto the grounds, and in the centre of the room a canopy bed with a generous supply of pillows placed uniformly on top of white linens, with sheer panels cascading from each pillar. It was a room destined for the most intimate of lovers and I was instantly stricken with the shame of being alone - by choice.

Tanya left me to myself and I spent a few hours aimlessly browsing through old texts lining two large book shelves at the end of the room. There were many of the classics, most I had read more than once, and my eyes came to rest on the only title that could rip open my chest, _Romeo & Juliet_. We had been studying Shakespeare at Forks Highschool just before...

Hesitantly,my fingers trailed down the spine. I pulled the book from its snug location between the adjacent leather bindings. I gently placed my palm on the embossed lettering in the chapped coverlet. It was easy to remember our evenings together when I read from passages of the book while Bella laid restfully at my side eventually succumbing to sleep. Without difficulty I could recall the rhythm of _her_ breathing and how I would make a game of it, quietly reading a single word in between each breath. And the evening of _her_ eighteenth birthday before any of the madness started, when I was blissfully content living in denial, we sat closely together in front of her television and _her_ tears trickled onto my skin as _she_ witnessed Romeo's agony. I looked to my forearm and evoked the distant sensation of a warm salty droplet unable to penetrate my hardened flesh. How dangerous it was to indulge in these memories, but in doing so I felt just slightly less empty. I squeezed the book briefly and then calmly, placed the book back into its position on the shelves and turned my attention once again to the view of the grounds.

I could hear, beyond what I could see through the dense forest that Kate and Irina had commenced their return. I wasn't quite ready to meet with them. I needed to spend some time thinking through my next steps, formulating exactly what would have to be said and what would be intentionally left out.

I turned to face the enormous bed, quite unavoidable, as it stood so majestic in the middle of the room. I studied it for a moment, admiring its strikingly human qualities. My mind wandered into fruitless imagination. If I were human, I thought, I would cross the room and leisurely drop onto the beds' luxurious and very welcoming cushioned softness. I would lay there and contemplate my concerns and after a time, possibly drift off to sleep, setting aside my worries, my wary life, for even an hour, to wake refreshed and alive. If I were human, a bed like this would greet me at the end of every day and see me off every morning. Though I would glimpse back at the still warm sheets, wanting to sneak just another moment out of its sanctuary, I could leave knowing that by day's ends I would enjoy this comfort again. If I were human, I would lay in this bed with _her_.

Suddenly I was no longer admiring the bed; I had unconsciously crossed the room and laid myself upon it, perpendicular to its length. I wasn't in the habit of allowing a trance to take over my will and felt a little uneasy with the lack of self control, but then I was immediately struck by the exquisite paintings adorning the raised ceiling above the bed and made no effort to rise.

The images were 16th century. I was familiar with these works. Carlisle had numerous Art history texts in his library in Forks which I studied on many long nights before I was captivated by Bella. Although examples of this work were rare, this artist held a particular interest, or rather a fascination with our kind, which stood out in my memory. This reproduction piece had been chosen carefully and quite deliberately considering Tanya's guests were male mortals and their visits to this room, I imagined, rarely included sleeping.

The vast scene depicted a form of, orgy, where there were both male and female mortal victims distinctly unaware of their fate, seemingly falling to the allure and irresistibility of preying vampires. The humans appeared extraordinarily content and eager for what was about to come. Some were being grotesquely drained of their blood, but others appeared to have only been bitten and in the process of turning, their captured expressions revealing heinous stages of anguish. And the final grouping, the scene that caused my entire body to tense as my eyes laid upon them, not of the feeding, not of the tortured transformations, but the pairings of vampire and mortal, locked in the most sensual of embraces, skin against skin, hands gripping eagerly to each other's limbs illustrating a desperation where each participant appeared as though they could not be truly satisfied unless they could somehow climb inside their partners body.

I was transfixed. I could not tear my eyes away from the final naked image penetrating my sight. It was as if the vision was pulled invasively from my imagination. The painter might well have been myself, had I possessed the talent. A male vampire and his beloved female mate were somewhat isolated from the rest of the scene. The artist had used the technique of light casting to make the coupling not only appear brighter, but somehow immune to the chaos of their surroundings. The mortal female was extraordinarily beautiful with pure innocence and kindness deeply rooted in her brown eyes and full of both determination and surrender at the same time. Her skin was porcelain white, but still appeared infused with warmth and supple to the touch. Her hair was long with flowing waves of chocolate and ebony spilling over her delicate shoulders and coming to rest on the curve of one slightly exposed breast. Their chests were pressed closely together, but their faces remained far enough apart to place a soulful gaze upon the other. Her mouth rested just slightly open, perhaps waiting for his lips in eager anticipation, or allowing an exhale of sweetened breath born from the pleasure of their embrace. The vampire was holding her as his last possession, as if he had found something so rare and so breakable, completely enveloping her form with his limbs as if to shelter her from the entire world. And of course their union was clear, their hips connected in a way with muscles tensed that could only have meant they were joined physically.

I closed my eyes. I opened my eyes. I closed my eyes tighter. What happened next can only be described as an unnatural, but inevitable event. I could feel something in my chest, a tearing and sickening sensation that was splitting me into fractions of a whole. The one part, steadfast in my resolve which brought me here, to this moment, was bearing down, pinning me in a paralyzing vice, attempting to shut off my thoughts and emotions while the other part, equally determined, was ripping free and pulling my deepest desires to the surface. It was as though I had been bitten all over again, only this time, the opposing sides were vastly different. The struggle was not between mortality and immortality; it was between love and loss, passion verses restraint. I pressed my palms to my temples and began writhing on the bed and before long I was screaming aloud.

I opened my eyes and glared at the ceiling. If only I could find some flaw, some slight but catastrophic error in the image to shatter the fantasy and allow the triumph of one part over the other. But which part did I wish to be the victor? It was no longer clear to me. My eyes saw Bella, my thoughts were consumed by Bella and I could not deny my body yearned for Bella in a way that had nothing to do with a long since extinguished burning thirst in my throat. I outstretched my arm and gently traced the line of her jaw in the image in front of me. _She_ turned and entwined _her_ fingers in my own. I pulled _her_ down toward me slowly until I felt the weight of _her_ body on top of me. My other hand reached to collect a tussle of _her_ hair and bring _her_ lips closer to my own. I was using my full strength, but it did not stop me from pressing on. I could feel I was giving in, permitting the free flow of passion and I liked it. My fingers kneaded the muscle of _her_ back and moved lower toward her buttocks. _She_ squirmed and for moment it seemed as though _she_ was resisting. I raised my mouth to close the gap between our lips. It was decided. I was going to take what I so yearned to possess. Bella would be mine, there was nothing to stop me, but the searing pain I felt when our skin touched ripped my senses wide open. I was dazed and confused for an infinitesimal fraction of a second while I took inventory of my surroundings. Then I leapt from the bed and assumed a defensive aggressive stance along its side.

"Tanya! What the hell are you doing! What in God's name ARE YOU DOING!" I was heaving breaths from my chest trying to dispense the mounting rage inside of me.

"What am _I _doing! I should demand the same from you! I had no choice but to bite you! Are you crazed!" She had also positioned herself on the opposite side of the bed appearing ready to dive at the slightest invitation.

"I was...I am...what the hell happened!" I couldn't make sense of my thoughts; I was completely out of control, lost, staring at my hands in front of my eyes as if something was missing.

"Edward, you were screaming. I came in here to help you, then suddenly you were...you grabbed me and...", she couldn't continue to voice her thoughts, but her eyes met mine and I could hear them. _You were everything I have always dreamed you'd be, but I am not so shallow. I knew I had to stop you._

Slowly - so slowly I could have sworn time stopped - I relaxed from my stance and dropped my hands to my sides, standing tall and opening my chest with a purposeful, long and very deep breath. On my queue, Tanya calmed and stepped a few paces backward, straightening her clothing and hair. We did not speak. I looked at the floor. After an eternity which by all accounts in vampire terms is double that of a human's sense of eternity, I raised my head and attempted an apology.

"Tanya...I cannot explain what has just transpired and I fear to do so may actually insult you more than I already have, so I am just going to extend an apology and beg for your understanding and acceptance."

She smiled and cocked her head to the side before she spoke. "I am not offended, Edward, and I am not fragile either. You clearly have some troubles burdening you and I would be not so fine a host or friend if I was to hold you responsible for...whatever that was." I could see that she was reliving the experience in her thoughts, and I tried to force the vision away unsuccessfully. After a brief pause and step closer in my direction she continued, changing the subject abruptly. "My sisters have returned. Can I expect you downstairs shortly?"

"Of course Tanya, I will follow you now if you wish?" I knew that to remain in this room alone any longer would allow the freshly severed and opposing parts in my chest to commence another siege upon the other.

Tanya smiled and turned to the door way, exiting the room slightly faster than normal, even for a vampire, probably in an attempt to avoid exposing her thoughts. But it wasn't fast enough, as if it could have been, I caught a clip of the vision of my lips from her eyes and I immediately cringed.

We passed through the main foyer and arrived in a bright and spacious conservatory adjacent to the gleaming, stainless steel, showroom kitchen. I was immediately greeted with smiles and open arms from Kate and Irina.

"Ahhh my dear Edward, how long has it been? I'm so glad to see you. I do believe a visit from the Cullen's is well over due." Kate leaned in to place a cheek to mine and floated backward. Irina moved in to do the same.

I realized I had done little, in fact nothing to prepare for this meeting.

"I know Carlisle hopes to visit you soon. My family is in Juneau right now and I'm not certain of their plans beyond that." I struggled with the small talk. I wanted to dive right in and start the questioning. _Slow. Take your time, _I told myself.

"Tanya has mentioned that you are seeking our assistance and I must admit I'm very curious. We all are." Kate glanced to each of her sisters. Essentially Kate solved my small talk problem by getting straight to the point.

"Tanya, Kate, Irina," I addressed them all with a nod, "I have come here for some information and I encourage you to ask any questions of me as we go along. I am not certain on how much of my situation you have knowledge and I am of course, willing to explain anything you do not understand." I swallowed a small pool of venom from my throat. "I believe it is no surprise to you that I made an acquaintance with Laurent last spring. He and two others were hunting on our lands in Forks and to be honest, created a bit of a problem for us."

Irina interrupted. "Yes Edward, Laurent is here, well, not actually here now, but he has been here, and he told us of the meeting and of James and Victoria. We understand completely how this must have jeopardized your settlement in Forks. Is this why the Cullen's have moved back to Juneau?"

"Not exactly," I replied. "The situation in the spring was a little more complicated than that. We...well, we extinguished James, and Victoria fled." The women exchanged wary glances and I immediately regretted my honesty.

"You had good reason I assume?" Kate asked.

"Yes, as a matter of fact we did. James was stalking someone in our family and of course, we took personal offence to this. When it became clear he was not going to back down, we had no choice but to defend ourselves."

"Who was it?" This time it was Irina asking.

'_How much do they know of Bella?' _I wondered. '_What would they think about the Cullen's exposing the vampire underworld to a mortal?' _I decided that since I opened the door, the truth was the only route to take. I paused a moment and then spoke.

"Roughly ten months ago I met a female, a female mortal. Her name is Bella Swan. I became very close to Bella and she learned about who we are and accepted us." I paused again, expecting questions.

"Where is Bella now? Why is she not with you?" Tanya's tone held a hint of envy.

"For reasons of my own, I decided it was best to disassociate myself and my family from her mortal world. In a strange way it was James who helped me to make this decision. Bella was his target. It was Bella we protected last spring."

"So if James is dead and Bella is no longer with you, then how can we help?" Kate was getting agitated by the pace of our discussion.

"Victoria." I stated. "Victoria was James' partner. I assume she is not too happy with our family for killing James and predict she could be a threat to Bella, knowing that we protected _her_. I have made it my purpose to track down Victoria and – "

"Eliminate her as well? When did the Cullen family become the assassins of vampires?" Irina did not appear as mortified as her question might have suggested.

I chuckled, shaking my head. "We are not assassinations I can assure you. This is not a task I, or any of my family relish completing. This burden was placed upon me by a vampire whose choices dishonoured what little dignity has been left to our kind. Just as yourselves, we live our immortal lives as humbly, peacefully and quietly as we can. We do not judge the others that still feed on mortals, but we do have limits. I will always stand against the monster that flaunts his power and imposes fear on others, as if the beings in this world were placed here solely for his entertainment." As I said the words I realized I didn't always hold that opinion.

I heard applause and turned to face Tanya. "Bravo," she said, "I do agree. After all, we have much to lose if our existence is exposed by the carelessness and personal indulgences of another." She raised her eyebrow in my direction. She was clearly inferring that I had done basically the same thing with Bella, just not so brazen. I couldn't argue with that. Not that Bella would have ever done anything to hurt myself or my family. But it was just another reminder that our worlds should not have been blended.

I could see our conversation was trailing off into a philosophical area reserved for another day, or rather, another century, hopefully one without me in it, so I redirected. "If you can find it in yourselves to have faith in me and trust what I am doing, then we can move forward." I looked at each of their faces for acknowledgement, but already knew I had gained their support through their thoughts.

Irina stepped forward. "You mentioned Laurent. I assume you would like to speak with him, but this is impossible as he is with Eleazor in South America currently and I am not certain when they plan to return. At least not for a few weeks. However, if it is Victoria you seek, then I may know where she is. Laurent has told me many stories about their travels before you -"

"Irina has been spending a lot of time with Laurent," Tanya cut in, trying to stop Irina before she could regret her words. "If any of us could tell you about Victoria, it would be Irina." Turning to her sister she continued. "Why don't you tell Edward everything you know?"

"Well, mostly I know that you may be correct about Victoria. As Laurent described her, she was very much partnered with James and can't be taking his death too lightly. When Laurent came to us four months ago it was only two weeks after his arrival that he told me he was going to meet with some old acquaintances. I was wary only after he told me it was James and Victoria, but I didn't object of course, I felt it not to be my place to question him, I was only concerned that he might revert back to his hunting habits prior to joining us here in Denali. He was gone for a little under forty-eight hours. But when he returned he seemed altered, slightly... distracted. He did not tell me why, but he did say that he would not be seeing his friends again and that Victoria would be travelling south, possibly to Texas. He mentioned nothing of James. Of course I understand better now that James was not present at that visit."

I pondered this for a moment. It was a good lead, however stale, it could start me in the right direction. Victoria was on the run. Maybe the attack on James was enough to scare her off indefinitely; couldn't have been much of bond if she was so quick to flee. On the other hand, she could be taking her time, planning a methodical and exacting revenge. I had to find out more, but it seemed only Laurent would have the information I needed.

"Edward?" Tanya's voice pulled me from my minds internal debate.

"Ah yes, thank you Irina. Did Laurent say anything more about Texas?" I asked hopefully.

"Well, I think it was in Texas where they met up with a small grouping of vampires, and things became quite hostile. James was very territorial and didn't think he should have to share space with the others. Laurent had tried to convince him to leave, but it was Victoria who managed to establish some sort of truce with the other clan and so they remained there for a while. Honestly Edward, that is all I can tell you." Irina's expression was pained, but her thoughts supported her words. She had nothing else to contribute. I could hear her worrying about Laurent in her mind and realized they had become quite close, their mutual fondness blossoming.

"Hmmmm. It sounds as though Victoria may still have these connections in Texas. And you say that Laurent is in South America? May I ask what he is doing with Eleazor?" The last I had heard about Eleazor was from Carlisle's stories of shared time with him and the Volturri. Similar to Carlisle, Eleazor had grown tired of the Volturri family and left them peacefully to explore Europe. I had no idea he was on this continent until now.

"Eleazor has gone travelling with Laurent to assist him through some of the feeding challenges." It was Kate speaking now. "We all agreed that Laurent's time with Eleazor would be beneficial and encouraged them to embark on a journey together. They were undecided as to their route or their timing, but I don't imagine it will be much longer."

With that, I could think of nothing more to inquire about and I did not wish to be observed in awkward silence. It was time to adjourn our gathering.

"Ladies I would like to thank you for sharing and your understanding. I have a lot to think about. For now, if you don't mind, I will return to my room. Please excuse me."

When I retired to my room I was left to consider the small pieces of information I learned from Irina. It was disappointing to know that I would be unable to speak with Laurent. Unless I remained here, waiting for his return, but for every hour that I waited, I would risk another episode of the events from earlier in the day. A tension prickled its way from the muscles of my shoulders up my neck and to the skin of my skull while I remembered the incident with Tanya. Yes, waiting idly was far too dangerous. A constant distraction would be the only way to remain convinced of my resolution to leave Forks, to leave the love of my life, of my entire existence.

I knew who could help me to shed some light on what might be waiting in Texas and I reached for my duffle bag, retrieving the cell phone form the inner pocket. The first programmed number was for Carlisle and I pressed the speed dial waiting momentarily while it rang.

"Hello Edward," his calm and familiar voice was soothing.

"Hello Carlisle. I have arrived at Tanya's, but I have some bad news about the Hummer." It was a little odd, for an instant I felt like a normal teenage boy coming clean to his parents.

"Oh?" Carlisle's voice rose in subtle curiosity.

"I killed a moose and I killed the Hummer too. I made sure it won't be found. I've wired funds to your account already." Of course I wasn't really a teenage boy and none of this was normal.

"Edward! That was hardly necessary, but thank you. How are my sister's doing?"

"They are well, and we've had a chance to talk." I hesitated not certain whether Carlisle would want to hear anymore about a plan he had difficulty agreeing with.

"Go on." He said.

I summarized the conversation until I arrived at the point where I needed Carlisle's input. "What do you know of any vampire clans currently in Texas?" I asked.

"Texas?" Static took over the line while Carlisle searched his memories. "I know that a significant piece of our history pertains to the battle situation in the South, at least two hundred years ago, but you already know these stories from Jasper. A newborn epidemic reached dangerously high proportions all at the hands of a few power hungry immortals creating armies to fight for territorial supremacy. As far as I know, the area remains as hostile, only with significantly fewer numbers and just under the Volturri radar. Why do you inquire about Texas?"

"I have a lead, only it's a bit stale, but it points me to Texas."

"Edward, I don't need to tell you how dangerous it would be for you to journey there alone. The vampires in the South do not share our views. Their disrespect for human life carries over to our kind. They would no more favour your presence there among them than they would show compassion to a human child." Carlisle spoke with a distinct fatherly tone.

"I understand completely Carlisle, but I do not wish to engage in debate. Anything that you can advise other than your appeals for me not to travel there would be greatly appreciated."

More static.

Then he spoke." I could inquire with some hospitals, look into the morgue records, see what I could uncover as far as recent deaths are concerned. It could give us an idea of the feeding activity and maybe some insight into the numbers and locations. You'll need to give me a couple of days. Can you do that? Will you wait?"

The request forced a slight wince on my face, but I answered, "Two days. Thank you Carlisle."

"I'll call you as soon I can, son, take care."

There was subtle tapping at the door just seconds after my call with Carlisle had terminated. It was Tanya; her shameless thoughts were streaming clearly into my mind. I had no energy for this, but I wouldn't be impolite, so I moved towards the door and, after forcing my mouth into a smile, opened it.

She was truly beautiful. There was no other way to describe her. What I couldn't understand was how this extraordinary beauty had not the slightest effect on me. Her remarkable blend of emerald green and ocean blue eyes, and the flawless lines of her face surrounded by long glimmering golden locks of hair were a site enough for any man to forget his own name. But I could feel nothing now, and I felt nothing when I met her decades ago. I viewed the exterior of Tanya more as a piece of art, like exquisitely carved stone sculpture, meant to be studied, admired even, but nothing more. Although, I couldn't help thinking if circumstances had been different, if Tanya had persevered- but then I would have forfeited the chance to know my one true love, and as brief as it was, and as vacant as I was feeling now, nothing would make me regret finding Bella. Nothing.

"Hasn't anyone told you, it's quite rude to stare Edward." Tanya's voice brought me back. She moved through the door frame, dusting my shoulder lightly as she passed and positioned herself in the centre of the room.

"I was merely lost in contemplation Tanya, is there something I can do for you?" I immediately regretted the loaded question as it fell from my mouth.

Tanya smiled and slowly traced her tongue along her full ruby lips. I skilfully tuned out her accompanying thoughts. "I was hoping that you may find my company enjoyable and that maybe we could talk?"

"What would you like to talk about Tanya?" I tried to make certain my words were less inviting this time with a steady quality of disinterest in my voice.

"I don't know, I thought you might have something to share with me...like...something more about this human girl. Bella is her name?" Tanya was doing her best to appear innocent only I wasn't buying it.

"That's off limits Tanya" I had no desire to sit and talk about something that was finished, part of my past, a past I was struggling to forget. I placed my right hand on the door handle, looking out into the hallway.

Ignoring my gesture entirely, Tanya twirled and in one graceful motion ended up cross legged in the centre of the bed. "Oh come on now, there must be some relief destined for you by unburdening yourself of your troubling thoughts?" She gently patted the bed sheets next to her. '_I won't bite this time. I promise'_

I bowed my head and dropped my shoulders sensing a losing battle. I was irritated by the intrusion, but grateful at the same time, the less I was alone the better. _Tanya was always a good listener, what could it hurt to converse for a little while?_

Leaving the door open, I moved towards the bed, but remained standing. My arms folded across my chest and I looked at Tanya with my eyebrows raised and lips pursed.

"I think I know what has happened to you Edward and I think you would benefit from hearing some of my own experience." She said, matter-of-factly.

This had the potential of becoming very awkward, but I didn't object, as long as she was doing the talking, I wouldn't have to.

I relaxed and leaned into the bed post.

She continued. "It's no secret to you the amount of love interests I've enjoyed over my lifetime. I make no excuses. All of them were very important to me and each one gave me something I will savour for the rest of my days." She paused while she reflected on obviously delicious memories. "I was not _in love_ with them, but I did love them and I have no regrets, nor do they while I think about it. Each of them came into my life and when it was time for them to go, they went freely, no strings attached."

She seemed to be struggling with what words to say next. Disinterested, my thoughts had just wandered to Texas when she spoke again.

"Edward you can't let this one loss bring you down. I mean, if the same were true for me, I would have crawled under a rock when you left Denali last winter." Tanya eyes moved down to the cuff of her jeans and her fingers pulled at the fray, tearing it away easily.

"You think I was dumped?" I said with an incredulous expression, almost laughing.

She looked up. "You did tell us you _chose_ to leave this girl, but I've been watching you very carefully and nothing about your behaviour is saying _you_ chose anything." Tanya was always perceptive. From what little I allowed, she knew me all too well. She cared enough to notice. If it was possible, I suddenly felt slightly more miserable with her admission of the pain she endured due to my continuous rejection.

I decided not to acknowledge it and countered, "Oh, but I did."

"Whatever for?" She was looking at me now, like I was insane.

How could I explain making a choice that went against every ounce of my being? What was the point anyway? I had already gone through countless hours of defending my decision to my family, speaking with Tanya would be no different. Besides, it was very uncomfortable talking about my so called failed love life with the one person who held hopes for me in this regard and was possibly still hoping.

"Tanya, are you sure you want to hear any of this? I cannot see a purpose to your inquiry other than to humiliate us both."

Tanya laughed. "I should be honest with you Edward, so to put to rest any further misunderstanding. I coveted you when we first met this is true, and over the years I have always had a special place for you in my thoughts, but I have decided, as with most of my relationships, you and I would never have lasted." _But one night would have made history, _she mused.

Curiosity got the better of me and I instantly wanted to know why she had determined that I wasn't relationship material. I had never considered being inadequate for my own kind; it was the human world I didn't measure up to.

"Do you care to elaborate on your reasons for this conclusion?" I continued to lean against the bed post, but sat down and outstretched my legs in front of me along the end of the bed, crossing them at the ankle. _This was actually becoming interesting_.

Tanya smiled, and I heard '_Restrained, overly cautious, self-loathing,_ _self-defeating, over protective, _but then she said "I'm not certain I could pin point anything exactly, just that I realized you are more of a conquest to me, like the others, and it wouldn't be fair to do that to you. So are you going to answer my question now?" Tanya stared directly into my face with a determined look I was accustomed to receiving from Alice.

"All right." I collected my thoughts. "You have witnessed my behaviour and contrary to my efforts to conceal it, my suffering is obvious to you. That I chose to leave Bella is true, but that I love her with everything I have is also true. The problem is I love her enough to keep her from a soulless life, to protect her from this damned eternity and the extreme perils of our world, which means that _I _leave _her, _and therefore she remains living." I filtered and removed much of the complexity to make the point. I realized it came out sounding rather cold and unfeeling, but nothing could be further from the truth.

Tanya looked upon me with a raised eyebrow and added, _Melodramatic,_ to her previous list of thoughts. "Obviously I do not know Bella, and I would not presume to place words in her mouth, but does it occur to you that she may have an opinion on how she would like to _live_?"

"Our existence isn't something you can describe adequately to a mortal Tanya. I know. I have tried." I said, exasperated. "One of the main reasons I love Bella is because of her conviction, but that same quality would allow her to diffuse the countless warnings I have attempted to illustrate and have her believe she could overcome them. I don't know how to live with that responsibility."

"Isn't this more about you Edward, about your own misgivings about our so-called damned existence?" She peered at me with accusing slits for eyes. Her expression became serious "I will not deny there are days, even weeks of struggle, and the thirst, well, the thirst is prevalent always, but I can't imagine life any other way. There is nothing I can do to change it even if I wanted to", she shrugged her shoulders. "I accepted our gift of immortality long ago, and it would do you well to do the same."

I didn't know how to respond without sounding condescending. I looked across the room before speaking. "I guess I've never been able to think things through quite as simply as that. It really doesn't matter what I think now anyway. I have severed the relationship and very shortly Bella will be carrying on with her life without a hint of concern for me." I believed what I said, I had to, but it came out sounding half hearted.

Tanya noticed immediately. "You don't sound very convincing. And if you're looking for someone here to say 'You made the right choice' well, that's not going to happen." Tanya snorted and flopped backward onto the pillows.

"I don't need to hear anything!" I snapped, throwing my legs over the side of the bed and turning my back on Tanya.

"And that's the trouble. You didn't _hear_ what Bella wanted. _You_ decided for her!" Tanya was impressed with herself, thinking she should take up psychology, open up a practice.

And though I felt like lashing out at Tanya, I could think of nothing to say in rebuttal. I remained silent, miffed and lost for words.

She sat up and crawled towards me, ending perched on her knees. "That was a little harsh Edward, I do apologize." She stroked my arm.

"It's ok Tanya, I'm not offended. My anger is my own. It is possible you have misunderstood because it is exceedingly difficult for me to express just how thoroughly I have sought answers to this...dilemma. It simply comes down to whether _I _accept it or not, this life I have to offer is not good enough for Bella."

"_You –_ _are -_ good enough Edward, and maybe before it's too late, you will come to realize this." Tanya leaned in and placed a delicate kiss on my cheek. Then, once again, I was alone.


	5. Chapter 5 Tracking

Chapter Five - Tracking

The days, hours and minutes before Carlisle returned his call passed uneventfully. I spent a few hours alone trying to rationalize away any hope that Tanya had planted in our conversation, but reaching the same impasse again and again only aggravated the growing disparity in my chest. I could successfully argue both reasons _to_ and _not to_ return to Forks in a manner consistent with the behaviours of a confirmed schizophrenic. To alleviate the mental burden, I accepted an offer from the sister's to partake in a hunt, but clumsily alerted my prey at each and every attempt to kill. I eventually gave up and when the women were satisfied, we returned to the house where I stood among them while they shared stories and debated, only partially listening.

When finally my cell phone rang, it was not soon enough.

"Hello Carlisle."

"How are you Edward, you sound tired?" It was Esme's voice.

"Hi Esme," I hesitated, "I am doing all right I suppose. The sister's are taking exceptional care of me." I tried to come across light hearted.

"I'm glad. We love you Edward, Carlisle wants to speak to you."

There were muffled voices while the phone passed to Carlisle. I thought I heard Alice.

"Edward, I wish I could have discovered some tangible information for you, but have learned little in my research." Carlisle said solemnly.

"I'm sorry to hear that." I was disappointed, but relieved at the same time. I had been waiting for some snippet of information, but not receiving it, I was now free to leave and commence my own efforts at tracking.

"I will share what I know. There have been numerous deaths in Texas in the last four months. I tried to narrow it down to incinerations, skeletal remains, and missing persons."

The macabre list was nothing I hadn't heard before and it didn't disturb me in the least, until I imagined Bella as the victim.

"And what did you find?" I stammered.

"Two places of interest are northern Amarillo, Texas and the south eastern area bordering Santa Fe National Forest in New Mexico. The first, because there was a surge of unsolved, so called gang riots, three in one month, back in August. The Chief mortician at Northwest Texas Hospital tells me the authorities are unclear on the rival gang identities as no one is claiming responsibility. While theft and minor assault statistics are high, the area has generally no known gang activity and all victims, mostly homeless, young, with prior criminal records, were burned beyond recognition in large infernos out in the open streets. The second is only a hunch. A pair of newlywed hikers, both noted as having extensive experience in wilderness and survival training went missing approximately two months ago. They were headed into the National Forest. Their families alerted the police after they did not call in on a designated date and time. No one has seen or heard from them since. It's been broadcast on the local news and radio, but the attention is fading. That's it. That's all I've got."

"Well it doesn't sound like anything tangible to you, but it isn't entirely useless, Carlisle. This information could amount to something." I was hopeful, regardless of how little there was to work with.

The information was outdated, true enough, but even if Victoria was no longer there, it would be difficult granted, but not impossible, to scan some thoughts and look for her image among them. With that, I could track a new lead and close the gap.

"Please be alert and cautious Edward, the northern area of Amarillo is rough, both hostile humans and vampires. I don't need to tell you how getting involved in any kind of altercation with either could end badly for all."

"I can take care of myself, Carlisle, please do not be concerned. I will do only what is necessary. I'll get in and get out. Besides, reckless is not my style." _Or at least it never used to be_. I flashed to the memory of nearly killing Tanya.

"Yes, Edward, but we all know of the blinding passion behind your cause. Take care son, keep in touch."

"Yeah."

I snapped the phone shut and felt an instant surge of hopeful energy.

The following morning, still under a cloak of darkness, Tanya escorted me part way south from Denali to Juneau airport. We separated with a brief embrace, then Tanya whisked away without looking back.

At the airport, although I was close, I did not stop to see my family. My mind was set on a mission that did not involve them, no matter how badly they wanted to be. Physically _seeing_ them wasn't necessary at this range anyway. Through the myriad of rambling voices I picked up on Alice's thoughts as I settled into my first class seat. It wasn't difficult. Alice was like beacon, and if I was trying to avoid her, it didn't help that her thoughts were fixated on me. _Edward is a stubborn fool._ _If he wasn't my brother..._

I hadn't forgotten that my decision had implications outside of my own torment. Alice was beyond miserable, but she had managed to follow my wishes not to seek out any visions of Bella. Alice knew that she could not return to Forks which meant to look for Bella's future would only result in unnecessary pain and frustration. Alice lost a friend- no, a sister - and I could see that Jasper was working overtime to console her. My chest pulled for a moment and I was relieved when the plane finally commenced its ascent.

Juneau wasn't going to be the hard part of this journey. Before travelling on to Houston, Texas, the flight would stop over in Seattle.

Seattle.

There was no way to avoid it. I just hoped that I could control the compulsion to leap from the plane and run to _her _in Forks.

Within a few hours I had reprieve from the trapped cabin air full of recycled odours of airline breakfast food and human exhalation. A later arrival time in Seattle meant a rush to the connecting flight and for this I was thankful. No time to linger.

I deboarded the plane and realized immediately I had made a severe underestimation. The proximity to Forks was an incredible strain. As I was transferring terminals I fought the growing urge to scream. When I stopped breathing altogether, this only aggravated the sensation, so I discretely gulped at the air to a point where the pace of my breathing would have caused a human to hyperventilate, but I continued walking swiftly and by outside appearances, assuredly, while I attempted to focus on Texas. _Don't listen, don't look, _I told myself as I struggled to close out all images and voices.

I passed by a confectionery and by chance noticed a wall of State maps amongst the magazines. I located Texas from the selections, made a quick purchase, and continued on my way. _This would give me something to focus on. _

When I was finally seated in the Boeing 737, it seemed safe to let my guard down, but I could not have been more wrong. The thoughts I had worked so hard to block, suddenly crashed in like a tidal wave and I was struck mercilessly by a horrible vision of Bella solemnly gazing out of her kitchen window. Her eyes were sunken, bordered with darkened circles and trapped in a vacant stare. I lurched forward in my seat, grabbing at my chest. Charlie. I hadn't considered he may be in Seattle on police business. I was seeing the ultimate in a father's pain. _Maybe I could find him, but I'd probably kill him, _he thought. His reflection of the past few days since I left, exemplified his immense and growing concern for his daughter, suffering endlessly, and he despised me for it.

"Are you ok? I hate flying too dear, but I take medication. Valium," someone whispered, "works like a charm. Would you like some?" I looked up into the smiling dentures of an elderly female. She had stood up from the seat in front of me to stow a small bag in the compartment above.

I shook my head abruptly, and through a clenched jaw said, "No thank you," then placed my forehead between my knees. Bella's nightmarish screams rang in my ears through Charlie's continued reflection.

The vision and cries were like a poison injected into my mind slowly spreading out, working itself into and along the channels until my brain was feeling larger than the hardened skull encasing it. Until now, I had only imagined _her_ suffering, but to see it, hear it, to actually have it confirmed and burned into my closed eyelids...

The next few seconds passed much like the other unconscious spells I had succumbed to since my self- inflicted nightmare began. I unbuckled the seat belt, stood and proceeded down the aisle towards the exit hatch adjacent to the captain's pit. A wave of liberated warmth spread through my chest. It was as if I was floating and awareness of my immediate surroundings disappeared. In the midst of the fog, a clear vision ensued. I could see my way out. My salvation. Just another step. I barely felt the hands pulling frantically on my arm when the airline attendant pleaded "Sir! Sir! Kindly return to your seat, Sir!"

In this stricken condition, I hadn't noticed the plane was already moving toward the runway. I slowly glanced around the First Class cabin to see shocked and fearful faces, only the elderly woman looking upon me compassionately, probably drug induced, and it took me a moment to become aware of the scene I had created. While the other flight attendants were careening down the aisle in my direction, obviously to the aid of the attendant already clinging to my arm, I toyed with the idea of exiting the plane anyway. _Not the first time a crazed passenger turned ballistic on a flight. _

A few seconds passed, the attendants peered at me expectantly, one deliberating over the use of a concealed can of extra-hold hairspray in his trouser pocket, and another wishing desperately the Federal Aviation Administration had not banned the use of tasers on all international and domestic flights. But just before their panic rose to a level that was unrecoverable, I came to my senses, calmly turned around and returned to my seat.

I smiled to a visibly trembling passenger across the aisle, muttered, "Nerves, heheh," and hid my face in the window pocket.

Not surprisingly, no one spoke to me for the remainder of the flight. The attendants were anxious to avoid me all together and were pleased when I fell asleep. Of course, behind my closed eyelids in my fake slumber, I saw the new vision of _her _and it was the closest thing to hell imaginable.

When the plane finally touched down I was relieved; not as much as the passengers seated around me, they cleared their seats almost instantaneously. I couldn't recall another time that I witnessed humans moving as quickly and in unison, not even during either World War.

With no luggage and only my duffle bag, I made a swift exist myself. It was just after seven o'clock when I left the airport.

Houston. The air was thick with smog. It was so much worse in my hyper sensitive airway.

I waited in the commuters taxi line-up under the structures massive cement canopy, poorly designed I thought, as it captured the exhaust and diesel emanating from the myriad of shuttle buses and other transit vehicles negotiating through the frenzied airport traffic. Such contrast from the earthy, rejuvenating forests of Forks. The people around me inhaled the gaseous air as if they had my stone lungs as their own. It occurred to me that all humans were on an unconscious mission to slowly kill themselves. _Why was I so determined to preserve one of them? Maybe being human was just the shell. Maybe who they are, who I am, isn't defined by the body. What if the soul, my soul... Focus. Stay focused._

I already knew that getting around Texas was going to have to be, for the most part, in the darkness of night. The blazing sun was not predicted to be shadowed by clouds anytime soon, according to the latest meteorologist report provided on the plane. In fact, the report advised a continuation of the heat wave that had already gripped most of the south western States for the past week. Being impervious to the weather had its advantages. The extreme heat would keep most humans indoors, tight to their air conditioners and hopefully out of my way.

I ducked into a cab and instructed the driver to head north as far as he was willing. He shot me a nervous glance, but obliged as soon as he saw the stack of twenties offered in my palm. "This is just to get started, not on the meter," I told him. My plan was to move about on foot, but for now, until the sun set, I would stay in the shelter of the car, allowing my mind to concentrate solely on the thoughts around me and not so much on my appearance. I chose Houston, nearly the southernmost tip of Texas, in order to cover all the ground possible as I worked my way towards Amarillo.

Before the airport was completely out of view, the driver started humming to Latino music only partially tuned into the radio, reaching forward to turn up the volume about half way through his grossly out of tune performance. _Perfect. No awkward small talk, _I surmised.

Scattered on the vacant seat beside me and partially carpeting the floor of the cab, lay a disorganized pile of newspapers. I unfolded the top section to reveal the ""HOUSTON PRESS" with the headline: SEARCH CALLED OFF. FAMILY DEVASTATED and below it, a wedding picture of presumably a missing couple with the names Enrique and Consuela, Pino. I'm not certain how it happened that my fingertips traced across the photo, but at the same time I was thinking _Edward and Bella Cullen_, and of a wedding destined never to happen.

I looked up from the paper and looked back again. In truth, the similarities in the photograph to myself and..._her_... were a little disconcerting. It wasn't in their features exactly, but both were young, pale skinned and brunette. The male, slightly slim and broad shouldered, stood taller that his new wife by at least a foot. They leaned into one another with elated expressions, capturing the energy and hope behind endless possibilities and a bright future. The bride's long hair was styled down and her ivory dress had a low bowl neck revealing an ornate jewel necklace that was clearly not fashioned from this time, a treasure passed on through generations.

I remembered for a moment the wedding photo of my parents, stashed amongst my few cherished heirlooms still in Forks. A sunken feeling fell over me while I permitted the free flow of human memories I more often stifled. Though they were broken and extremely few, the memories I retained of my human life were still very powerful. My mother was the clearest. I could vividly recall a moment of her straightening my hair, tucking my scarf in my coat, and taking my face in her warm hands to kiss me on the forehead calling me "a fine young gentlemen". Now still, so many years later, I longed to hold her hand and reciprocate an embrace. How I wished fervently that I could have walked the lane to our family home with Bella in hand and announce to my parents "This is she, the woman who has captured my heart, the woman I will spend my life honouring, the woman I plan to marry." Of course, the two worlds would never have come together if I had remained human. If I had survived the war, my natural death would have coincided with Bella's birth. _How could I despise immortality when it was responsible for the bequest of my destiny?_

"This is as far as I go," the cabby's gruff voice interrupted the daydream. I blinked my eyes and snapped back to the present, the sunken feeling evoked from distant memories replaced with the oppressed state of my current reality.

"Where are we?" I asked, feeling rather ignorant. It was extremely atypical for me to be unaware of my location.

"Jus awtsad'a Dallas," he held his hand back through the plexiglas without making eye contact. The vague answer was all he was prepared to give me. He was thinking of the long ride back to Houston and his growling stomach. The digital clock in the dash read 8:53.

I rolled the loose papers and tucked them under my arm. "Do you mind if I take these?"

"Nawh."

I paid the fare and stepped into the street. The cab peeled away the instant I slammed the door.

Quickly I scanned my eyes in both directions down the street. It was empty, except for the odd stray dog. Only three of twenty street lights seemed to be in working order and as I crossed the road, one flickered its last flare from the filament and died. Make that two.

A quick assessment of the area, wherever I was, identified it as a lower class development. Poverty, drugs and despair the main themes here. Stray thoughts, not my own, crept into my mind providing just enough information to grasp the depth of inhumanity surrounding me and forced a shudder through my core. This was one of the rare occasions I was grateful to be...well...not human.

I wandered in no particular direction, straying deliberately from the abandoned streets, choosing instead to silently float amongst the roof tops. The sounds of the night consisted mostly of the hum of television sets and the distant cries of neglected canines. I listened carefully, opening my mind completely and allowing the steady stream of thoughts to intrude, drowning out my own.

At first there were just scores of electronic images, the result of a town seduced by their cable TV. But as the night wore on I was bombarded with humans fully consumed by R.E.M. sleep and the disconnected, chaotic dreams that followed.


	6. Chapter 6 Cassandra

Chapter Six - Cassandra

Three months later I stood stone still, positioned in a corner of my motel room in Amarillo, curtains drawn, hiding like a rat confined to its hole at the hint of day break. The space was a disarray of newspapers and maps. My spirit had dwindled down to a mere spark of what it had once been – I should say, it was more or less the same spirit I held for this world before I met _her_. The time had passed quickly, but with no less effect on my vigour, than if it had been centuries.

It was clear within only a few days of endless searching that the effort would be draining, with each night's influx of random human thoughts spilling out over my mind and the days spent in retreat in some less than ideal accommodation only to avoid the relentless sunshine. I tried to make use of the time by studying maps and planning the route for the following day.

I had spent the time looking for any thought that may lead me to Victoria. However, there was a distinct disadvantage to my particular talent, that being; it was only relevant to the present tense. I could not capture memories or thoughts from the past unless they were in the present mind. If Victoria had indeed moved on, the chance of her appearing in any thoughts were limited to the probability a source may reflect on a recent event where she was involved, and I would have to come upon this source, within the range of my powers, at the exact moment they were thinking of her. Without this extraordinary sequence of events, there could be no connection.

A few weeks of filtering through thousands of minds in the quest for one arbitrary clue, something I had not attempted before, proved an enormous challenge, one that I had to consider I may even fail. Images bombarded my head as I raced from location to location trying to cover the area in vast loops, circling outward from a chosen centre point like radar. The illusive target drew me from the edges of Texas bordered by the Gulf and neighbouring States to the inner most core cities and back again. By the end of the first month I was exhausted – a feeling I hadn't encountered in over eighty years – discouraged and often laid out on the sagging, soiled mattress of a rundown, hotel room bed, unable to summon a single hint of new strategy from my weary mind.

The days saturated with sunshine following each night's searches did little to repair my steadily deteriorating condition.

Much to my surprise, the South did not live up to its reputation earned in my world. In all these weeks I had not encountered a single vampire. There was nothing to suggest they had even occupied the area. Either the clans had slowly killed each other off, or they had retreated into Louisiana and Mexico. This was bad news. If I didn't get a direct hit on Victoria's whereabouts, I was counting on a connection with a few of my own kind who would certainly know if she had ever been in Texas mingling in their circles. But from what my best efforts at tracking had uncovered thus far, I was no closer to learning the whereabouts of Victoria. Worse still, I had no idea how long it had been since _any_ vampire had hunted in these lands and wondered if Irina's account of Laurent's movements with Victoria were accurate. Nevertheless, like a drone, I continued looking.

It was a fruitless task and by the time I had reached Amarillo, I struggled with the purpose of it all, wallowing in self pity, fighting constantly against the selfish need to return to Forks, escape my obvious failure and greedily reclaim the meaning to my existence. My resolve was renewed every time I envisioned Victoria anywhere near Bella, who by now I told myself, had resumed a normal human life and was likely relieved to have been freed from the constant threat of death.

I glanced over at the digital clock on the bedside table, the third digit flickering back and forth from an eight to a three, mesmerising me for a good portion of the afternoon.

6:33.

Soon, I would be free to roam outside again and continue the search. _Maybe tonight would be different. Probably not. _

On what I was planning to be my last night in Texas, I ventured from the motel at dusk on a feeding mission. The golden amber of my eyes had faded weeks ago and my strength along with it. I should clarify; the strength I refer to here was both physical, and my unyielding resistance to human blood. Since I would be, in less than twelve hours, cooped up once again in a plane full of humans to a destination as yet I had not decided, it was prudent for me to hunt.

There was no large game to satisfy my needs, so a few stray cats, a goat, and as an experiment, two lizards started off the evenings' gourmet delights. I forced down the meagre blood rations of about a dozen small rodents and was then officially turned off from the endeavour to secure a meal.

I returned my attention to the more pressing search for Victoria. Tonight I would cover the distance to the west of Amarillo from Vega to the Kiowa Grasslands in a loop. There wasn't much civilization in this area, so I was prepared to make quick work of it and double back over a previously surveyed area.

Just on the edge of town, about an hour into the evenings search detail, the image I had not seen since it's first appearance sitting in the back seat of a cab three months ago, splashed across my mind. This in itself was not so unusual. I had seen the photograph countless times then. But now, the Press had moved on to more lucrative stories than the missing Pino couple and aside from the articles consuming the front page of every newspaper at the time the search was called off, there had not been any new news since_. _

_So why was I seeing the image now?_

I focused hard on the source. More images of the couple appeared, only I was certain these had not been published anywhere. _Was this a relative? Someone close to them, sorting through memories of the couple in a weakened moment?_ I was extremely curious, the reason for my attraction uncertain to me at that moment. My eyes closed and I stood erect, as I deepened my concentration. Within half a second I was in flight, honing in, running three more miles north-west I came to rest in a mostly deserted strip of buildings strung along the roadway.

Then, a flash of red hair and a fusion of fear and anger emanated from the source.

My intrigue turned frantic as I grew anxious with the possibility of losing the source. I reeled around from my position uncertain of the direction to proceed. It was close, so close I could feel it, as if the thoughts were my own. I needed something else, a small clue and then it came to me, roughly two miles from my location, a neon sign identical to the logo adorning a coaster being lazily flipped between two fingers.

Music, shouting and dim lights emanated from a dilapidated structure. A restaurant bar. In between bouts of callous laughter and indignant conversation came the sounds of crisp shocks from the bottom of glasses and bottles returning to table tops. I was in the right place. The thoughts, strong and vivid, were coming from someone inside – a woman – in her mind I could see her hand holding a ragged newspaper clipping. She was sitting at the bar; the mirrored glass behind half empty liquor bottles lining the rear wall provided a warbled reflection of her own face as she occasionally glanced upward.

Hiding in the shadows I moved along the buildings on the opposite side of the road for a closer look. In one leap I cleared the roadway and ended perched on the rooftop of an adjacent gas station. I needed to take the time to scope out the area before making any further moves.

Suddenly I reeled backward throwing my right arm forward in a defensive motion while Victoria's face, crystal clear, hovered in front of my eyes. It was over in half a second. Realizing it was just an image I regained my composure, feeling innately foolish for the physical reaction seeing her face had ignited. The woman in the bar knew Victoria, this was obvious to me now, and it was somehow all related to the Pino's.

Another much shorter leap and I repositioned myself on the edge of the gas bar canopy for a clear view of the front doors of the bar.

The run down facility was adorned with strung lighting in the form of jalapeño peppers, fulfilling its tacky charm and the main sign was half lit, illuminating only _S-H-T-B-A_, but was meant to read _SHOOTER BAR. Very original. _There was no way to see into the establishment except through the main doors one of which was propped open. There were only three windows each adorned with a generous coat of spray paint and shaped long and rectangular, positioned at the top of the exterior barn board clad walls.

I watched intently as a grossly muscular male pace back and forth from the front stoop to just inside the propped door. He lit a cigarette, gave a loud snort, cleared his throat and spit out a large wad of saliva onto the gravel. _Possibly the hired security. Hopefully I can get past him without incident, _I thought_. _I wasn't in the mood for breaking any limbs tonight; I just wanted to speak with the woman.

After approximately an hour of uneventful surveillance – the muscle removed two drunks, relieved himself on the tires of a parked Pick-up and smoked at least eight cigarettes - and having no further images of Victoria relayed from the woman or anyone else inside, I was confident Victoria was not actually in the building and crept down from the heights to ground level.

In the parking lot in one instantaneous move I tipped a row of motorcycles like dominos to distract the muscle while he up righted the machines, and returned to the cleared entryway to the bar. I spotted the woman sitting at the opposite end of the bar through the dense smoke filled air, our eyes met, as if she was expecting me, but I was unable to approach.

In that moment, I felt large firm hands grasp my shoulders accompanied by the laboured breathing of a sweaty, cigar wielding heat source.

I stood tall, just over six feet, broad shouldered with an athletic quality to my build, but as a human, would have been no match for this man. Rather than hold my position and watch him flounder while he attempted to move my stone anchored legs, I allowed myself to be manipulated backward and turned to be shoved through the doorway out onto the gravel lot.

I calmly dusted myself off and faced back to see that a collection of men had gathered outside. The muscle was there, having been the one who dragged me outside. A larger, rounder, heavy set male holding the cigar and a much thinner version of himself, twitching nervously beside him, stood in the forefront of the balance of the men.

The large one spoke. "You some kinda' _Neew Yoork_ celebrity or som'thin? Ya got that pretty boy make-up 'n eye contacts, eh kid?" He paused while he took a draw from his cigar. I noticed one of his fat fingers was being strangled by a thick gold ring. I looked at him blankly, without saying a word. He blew smoke rings into the air and cackled, half laughing, half coughing, saying, "Think you can git yourself som action daown 'ere do ya?"

He was still ten feet away, but in his breath I could smell the beer and burger he ate at some point in the day, maybe for breakfast.

Repulsive.

I was impressed however, as this spokesperson for the group was exceptionally observant for a man of his – calibre.

"Hey Angel!" The skinny sidekick yelled out. "Let's jist git on with a beatn'." He was practically drooling while waiting for the opportunity.

The threat didn't warrant any reaction from me. I could kill all seven of them before the message was sent from their brains to their fists, but I for a moment hoped that they could actually do me harm. One blow for every tear _she_ has shed. I wouldn't be able to find out, as we were interrupted.

"Hey boys, I can take care of this one, he's just a pup. Let him go." The woman from the bar spoke confidently as she approached.

Getting a better look at her, I was immediately aware that something was not quite right about this woman. It wasn't her overall appearance; she was dressed fairly close to what one might expect in this type of -establishment, a corset one size too small, fish net stockings slightly torn, ankle boots worn in the heels and all the imitation leather imaginable. She was pulling off a "rough around the edges" look with her attire, but her face, her features, were perfect. She strode toward me.

"Goin' after the young ones isn't your usual trick, Cassy," the large one referred to as Angel, observed. He spit a leaf of tobacco from his cigar to the ground.

She just smiled back at the men with a sneer and I allowed her to take my arm and lead me away. The men scuffled amongst themselves, clearly disappointed with the intercepted brawl, but eventually disbanded.

We walked toward the rear parking lot and upon reaching a midnight black 1967 Mustang, she moved to open the driver's side and said, "Get in," gesturing towards the passenger door.

I obliged, but had to ask, "Where are we going?" as her thoughts were consumed with curiosity for me and did not reveal anything about her intentions.

With her door open she placed her hand on the hood of the car. "We're headed nowhere in particular. How about a leisurely drive along Route 66?" she said calmly and ducked into the seat.

I tried even harder to hear her thoughts, but again came up with only her suspicions regarding myself.

I settled into the passenger seat. "May I at least have your proper name?" I asked. She turned the key, the chain was adorned with a curious clear vile of crimson liquid, and the engine roared to life.

"My name is Cassandra, but you can call me Caz for short. I don't like Cassy, but I tolerate it," she smiled and glanced in my direction just before stepping on the gas.

And there it was again, the odd feeling that Cassandra was hiding something. I still didn't know why she had the image of Victoria's face in her head, but more than that, she held an aura about her that was making me uncomfortable for all the wrong reasons. I should have sensed her blood, but there was nothing to tempt my thirst even with her heart beating steady and strong.

"And you are?" she asked.

"Edward, and there is no 'for short'".

"Hmmm, I like a man who is confident", she flipped her jet black mane of hair onto her left shoulder, clearing my view of her face. "What brings you out to this little pocket of heaven tonight, _Edward_?" Her eyes stared straight ahead as she spoke and her lips formed a wide smile.

"I'm looking for some information." I said.

She looked to be considering that for a moment, but said nothing. Her mind held only questions.

I continued. "There is...someone I'm trying to reconnect with. A woman."

"Can you be a little more specific?" she asked.

"Her name is Victoria. She is ...," I tried to think of the best way to describe her to a human, "... very striking, with brilliant red hair, and I think she was in Texas over the summer months." I was being vague for now, hoping that her memories would reveal to me more as they came.

But I wasn't expecting this.

"So how long have you been dead?" she asked.

It was abundantly clear in that instant, she knew exactly what I was, only I was completely in the dark as to how.

There was an uncomfortable pause. Then, "Cassandra, can I trust you?" I asked.

Her eyes flittered in my direction. "I would think that you've learned by now that trust is pretty much a dirty word in our circles, but yeah...you can trust me," she smiled the wide smile again.

"You just said 'our' circles. Are you telling me that you and I are the same... thing?" I asked hesitantly.

"Go'n on a hundred'n fifty years myself," she announced proudly.

"But you have heart beat!" I said suspiciously, "and I can't smell you!" I blurted out.

"A little trick I learned. Keeps me out'a trouble. I don't know exactly how it happened; I just started doing it one day." And as she said the words the heartbeat stopped and a distinct vampire scent wafted through the air in my direction.

I just stared at her with my mouth slightly open. Until that moment, she was entirely human.

She appeared accustomed to the stunned look on my face, her expression was flat.

Cassandra broke the silence. "From what I can remember of being human, I had a powerful way of attracting men, and even some women. In college, one of my professors told me 'my pheromones were the strongest' he had ever known. I thought it was ridiculous, just another scientific theory good for the text books. That, or a really bad pick-up line", she laughed at herself. "When this happened," she waved her hand across her body, "I discovered a way to mask my scent. I've been blending in ever since."

"And the heartbeat?" I asked, still amazed.

"Oh yah, that. Well, I was a bit of an athlete before the transformation. I had exceptional muscle control. I guess that carried over too. I can make my heart muscle move."

"That's extraordinary!" I stared down at my knees while I tried in vain to locate and move my own stone heart. My body replied with a familiar ache emanating from my broken chest cavity. Frustrated, I gave up and remembered the conversation.

"What do you hunt?" I asked, having noticed her unusual milky grey irises surrounding by a thin pink line.

"A little bit of this, 'n a little bit of that," she said. "Mostly I pluck from the cesspool you saw back there. Humans, animals, they're all fair game. " She hesitated and then clarified, "I think of myself as more a cleaner."

"What does that mean?" I asked.

"I only kill humans that seem to be...asking for it, ya know?" The corner of her mouth turned up in a grin.

By now we had driven to an area that was practically void of any civilization. I didn't know if I should be utterly tense, or just sit back and relax. It was odd that Cassandra was the reason behind the uneasy feeling.

I looked to the horizon, it was almost daybreak, the edge of the earth glowing like a line of embers. Our cloak of darkness was about to end abruptly.

As if answering my unspoken question, Cassandra said, "There is a place we can go not far from here. I'll take you there. We'll be...safe."

We had passed into New Mexico and were nearing the Sante Fe National Forest when Cassandra decided it was time to stash the car and continue on foot. We pulled off the main interstate onto a gravel road leading north. Not far along, a small abandoned barn appeared in the distance. She had been here before; it was clear she was familiar with the location. Cassandra stopped the car and left it running, while she slid out the open window, crossed the short distance to the barn and pulled back the large panel door, revealing its empty interior.

I got out of the car, swiftly glancing around to ensure we were alone, as the suns beams were inflicting their usual strobe like effect to my skin. Cassandra pulled the mustang into the barn and returned the door to its closed position.

"So what now?" I said curiously.

"You said you needed some information, and... I know something about this woman you call Victoria." _I hate her more than the demon that took my life, _she thought. "Run with me this way, I need you to see. We're heading toward the park mountains just there." She pointed in the direction.

On our way, I caught glimpses from Cassandra's thoughts as she remembered the route, remembered conversations with Victoria and a specific memory of a pile of ash that appeared and reappeared as the memories flowed in and out of her mind. The ash immediately stirred my already deepening curiosity. _Was the ash the remains of Victoria? Could I be this lucky? Or was Cassandra not to be trusted? Could she be envisioning what was to become of me after she lead me into a trap? _My wild thoughts continued as we sped toward the mysterious destination.

Within five miles we ascended the mountain and arrived at the summit, affording a clear south westerly view of the cross thatch of farmlands quilting Texas.

"Come, swiftly! There are a lot of hikers up this way, we need to get out of sight!" Cassandra said.

I looked around wondering where it was exactly we were supposed to be getting into. There was nothing except a sharp vertical rock face in one direction, and the rolling hills and trees from where we'd came in the other.

"Help me with this," Cassandra was pushing on the rock. I pushed. The rock that had appeared to be solid was actually a large boulder, roughly the size of a single car garage, and our joined force moved it ever so slightly away from the rest of the mountain to reveal a cave opening.

My eyes adjusted quickly to the cavern void of any natural light, save the crack we forced ourselves through. Inside I was distracted only temporarily by the scattered flecks of bent light reflecting from exposed minerals lining the walls before Cassandra urged me on.

"Down here! This is what you need to see," and she jumped out of my site into a large opening in the rock floor.

For the second time in my long life I felt cautious, and I hesitated. The only other time this occurred was upon my return to Forks last January, my potential lack of self control the primary reason. Here now, my vigilance was selflessly not for my own safety, but knowing that the next decision I made could lead me to death, had me concerned for Bella's well being. _If I were to die, how could I protect her?_

I peered into the blackness below my feet. Cassandra's voice echoed from below.

"There's no elevator. Just jump!" she called.

Her thoughts were genuine, so I leapt into the hole. The rock walls sped furiously past me as my body descended into the darkness. I tensed all limbs ready for impact. My fingers curled in anticipation of a necessary grasp, but after a 200ft drop, I landed quite softly onto a sandy bottom.

"Took you long enough. I guess I should respect your lack of trust. But after I share my story with you, I think you'll feel different about me." Cassandra smiled and brushed dirt from my left shoulder.

It was a cool damp space, which I knew because the atmosphere felt comfortable and only could, if it held the same characteristics as my skin. There was no exit except from where we had just fallen. The center of the room housed a crude rock formation resembling a fire pit, with the same pile of ash I had seen in Cassandra's memories earlier. At once, her thoughts flooded my brain and she spoke the words to compliment them.

"It was last summer when I met Victoria. She came into Texas like a storm...


End file.
